010 The Rock n Roll Life Coach with Share Ross

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What you missed

In the last episode, FRS009, I covered Part 2 of this 2-part series on Myths Broke People Believe.

In this show

Share Ross believes in creating your own luck. She never let 2 bankruptcies, divorce or a myriad of unsuccessful business ideas stop her. She’s a walking testament that you gotta live in the now and let your inner rockstar guide you towards your true path.

As The Rock N Roll Life Coach, who still plays bass for platinum-selling, all-female 80’s rock band Vixen along with Joe Elliott – of Def Leppard – his side project, The Down n Outz, Share inspires her clients to take quantum leaps in their lives and businesses

Topics and your questions answered on the show

  • What happened after bankruptcy
  • How to bring out our inner Rock Star
  • Alternative to college degree and job
  • How to break the worry cycle
  • How to create money

Contact Info

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The Rock n Roll Life Coach with Share Ross

SCOTT: Welcome Rockstar Nation to the Financial Rock Star Show. I’m your host Scott Alan Turner, ready to help you get out of debt, save more money and retire early. Today we have a special guest for you, Nation: a real rock star. That’s why we’ve got this special intro music, because I have a member of the platinum selling band “Vixen” on the show today. It’s very exciting and I’m just going to keep rambling until we get to the chorus of this song, because I know you know this tune, so we’re going to wait until we get to it. Then we can all sing together and then we’ll get to the interview. So here we go, sing along if you know the words.

Alright, my guest today, Share Ross, believes in creating your own luck. She never let two bankruptcies, divorce, or a myriad of unsuccessful business ideas stop her. She’s a walking testament that you’ve got to live in the now and let your inner rock star guide you towards your true path. As the rock and roll life coach who still plays bass for the platinum-selling, all female 80’s rock band Vixen and along with Joe Elliott of Def Leppard, on his side project the Down and Outs, Share inspires her clients to take quantum leaps in their lives and businesses. Welcome to the show, Share Ross!

SHARE: Thank you, Scott! It’s good to be here. Thank you so much!

SCOTT: In your career now, you’re a rock and roll life coach. Explain to us what a life coach is.
Share: Absolutely. I believe that a life coach takes you from good to great. It’s like you know, you’re already doing pretty good in life, things are going alright, but a life coach takes you to that place where you didn’t know your life and business could be like that. I also believe that nobody actually needs a coach. It’s a choice, it’s a very conscious choice and working with one is basically like turbo-charging the results that you want to get. So instead of taking — you know, it might take months or years or decades, you ramp that up and get there a lot faster. It’s all about results.

SCOTT: Have you had some coaches in your life that have impacted you in a profound way?

SHARE: Oh, absolutely, absolutely! Yes, several. Erika Lyremark is one. Becky Dickson is another. Shannon Kaiser is another. All fabulous coaches and they just, you know, definitely took me from point A to point B a lot faster. It’s all about having somebody else hold that mirror up and you know I’m a big believer in coaches because they’ve helped me so I think they’re great.

SCOTT: You were in a rock band in the 80’s which had a lot of success. Take us to the moment when Vixen broke up. What was going through your mind when you realized you needed to find something else to do?

SHARE: Sure and you know what Scott, that is such a great question and nobody ever asks it. They always want to know about the highlights. So, great question and when that really hit me, it was terrifying. The band had had to file bankruptcy to get out of our contracts, so I was bankrupt, I was broke. I had no college education and the only thing on my resume said “rock star”. So not exactly, you know, that’s not really going to get me hired, you know to a corporation or anything. I ended up going up and down Ventura Boulevard in Los Angeles and getting a job at a coffee shop and through that, it was sort of like my real journey began. You know, that involved sweeping the sidewalk every morning at 7 a.m. Talk about identity issues and self-worth issues coming to the forefront of my brain. I was dealing with stuff on just like a regular basis.

But it was great, because that was where all the work really started. My biggest shift at that time came around the concept of “I am”, which simply stated: “What we do and our bank account does not define who we are.” Our value is not tied to how much money we have or by what our job is. And I’m sure this is something you talk about all the time. You know our real worth comes from within and then a lot of times that ends up being reflected in the outer world, you know, at a later point. But that’s where the real work started and it was big. It was big, Scott, I’m not going to lie. It was a big deal.

SCOTT: Take us to that moment in time of that incredible “Aha!” moment you’ve had and tell us the story behind it and how you became a life coach.

SHARE: Sure! That’s interesting. I went into coaching somewhat reluctantly. I think I was hesitant to call myself a coach, because I thought “How could I possibly be a life coach?” You know, I’ve had all these crazy adventures, coupled with, you know, the two bankruptcies, you know, failed businesses. Sure, I’ve had successful businesses as well, but life has a funny way of bringing situations and people to us and that was what happened. People started coming to me and asking me to coach them and eventually I had to start taking it seriously. That was in about 2011 and so at that time, you know, I hired my own coach and took a lot of courses. I read a lot of books. And I’m happy to say that, you know, through the process I figured out that I really love helping people.

So one of my early clients came to me really frustrated because she hadn’t written a book and she related to me because I’m a creative person. And she was really stuck on getting this book done. She was 26 years old. All of her friends had graduated with her and were published authors so she felt this huge competition. She felt like she’d started, you know three books and had not finished a single one of them and within two months of us working together she had a regular writing habit. The resistance blocks, we’ve worked through all of those. And now, it’s about three years later, now she’s actually finished three books. So it’s stories like that make me really happy.

You know, she’s sending out query letters, she’s following through on all those things. It’s the daily habits that really create our lives. But there’s also a belief piece as well. I had another client, another, again early client here who I worked with for a very short amount of time and really, his biggest block was belief. He just didn’t trust his instincts. And he had this great idea for an online business and he finally said “Okay, you know what, you’re right. I’m going to do it”. And seriously, his first year he made a profit of over $300,000.

SCOTT: Wow, that’s awesome.

SHARE: I know! That’s crazy. And to this day, he’s like “I never would have done it if we hadn’t talked.” Blah, blah, blah. It’s like all those little blocks of getting it together. So I think the biggest “Aha!” moment was really around me realizing I could call myself a life coach; it’s okay, I’m really doing this! So, it had to do with that, more than anything else and it was a great realization to be quite frank, it was like “Okay yeah, that’s what I’m doing. Alright, let’s own this.”

SCOTT: You believe we each have an inner rock star. What does that mean?

SHARE: Oh, that’s a good one! That comes up a lot because of the whole, you know, the whole rock and roll thing and people always ask you what it’s like to be a rock star. That’s probably the question I get asked the most and the standard definition of rock star, as I’m sure you know, it’s like a member of a famous rock band. But I also believe that inside all of us, we have an inner knowing. We have our deepest, most ideal version of ourselves. And that part of us, I sort of referenced it earlier, that’s the “I am” part of us, so rather than finishing the sentence “I am”, you know “I am a bass player” or “I am a life coach”, just by saying “I am” I’m owning my place.

But a really deep version of the inner rock star is, it kind of has to do with all the voices that are in our heads and all the thoughts and all the conversations that just simply go on in our mind. You know, should I do this? Should I do that? What do I think about that? Oh, I don’t like that. And we have all these conversations in our head, but the really interesting part is there is a deeper, inner peace to you that actually observes those thoughts. And the piece that’s observing that, that’s your inner rock star.

Some people call it the witness. Some people call it your inner soul. Your [09:27 – missing audio] rock star because I think it’s important to recognize that that is your essence and it shines a very bright light so in my world and of course it goes with my branding, but I think it’s you at your very, very best and your brightest and it’s that piece of you that’s witnessing all that stuff going on in your mind. Cause it’s like “Okay I just had another thought.” Okay, well somewhere in you, you’re observing all of that and that’s your inner rock star. So part of my life coaching process is sort of you know getting in tune with that deepest intuition and inner rock star piece of you.

SCOTT: What are some of the things you learned out on tour, touring the world that you still apply in your life today? Other than things like maybe performing a keg stand properly or whatever other stuff you guys do on tour. Not saying that you ever did that or anything but…

SHARE: I think you know my biggest lesson came about from touring the globe and being you know very fortunate in meeting so many people from so many different walks of life. And coming from a pretty small town in Minnesota and then moving to L.A. early on, I figured out that meeting all these people and everything, it really opened my eyes and I realized that everyone everywhere really wants the same basic things. You know, they want to be heard, they want to be seen, they want to be appreciated, they want to be respected and, of course, they want to be loved.

So I found that when you connect with people on those basic levels, you know, of hearing them, of helping them to feel like they’re seen and appreciated and respected, you really begin to create true bonds. The other thing I learned was to be nice. You never know who you’re going to meet later on and you might be on the way down or they might be on the way up, you just never know. So there’s no reason to be a jerk. Do I have time to tell you a quick story here, Scott?

SCOTT: Absolutely, sure.

SHARE: Alright. Vixen was, we were in the process of mixing our second record. I think we were at Capital Record Studios in Hollywood, California. And I had had this long day of teaching bass at the Bass Institute, that’s like a music school for rockers in Hollywood and so I went over to Capital afterwards. I was pretty tired, it was a long day and Capital Records is a little bit like… it’s a little bit like Vegas. You know they keep the halls dim; they keep the lights real dimmed, because you know you might be in there recording until three or four in the morning and they don’t want you to know that it’s three or four in the morning. They just want you to stay in your zone.

So, lights are real dim and I go into the studio, listen to a couple songs and I’m like “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds great, sounds great.” I pick up my bass again and I start walking down the halls and yes, I’m referencing how dark it is so you’re not going to think I’m a complete idiot here. So I’m walking down this hallway and these three dudes are kind of walking towards me and you know the obligatory like “Hey!”, you know cause I’m a cool L.A. musician so I’m kind of like “Hey,” and they kind of go “Hey,” back and then one of them says “Hey, Share”. And I’m thinking, “Who is that?

I feel like I should know who that is. I know I should know who that is.” And I spun around and as nicely as I could, because I didn’t want to sound like a complete jerk, I said, “Excuse me, do I know you?” And he came walking towards me and I swear to God I just wanted to crawl under the carpet. His face was on every magazine at that time. This was 1990 – ish, somewhere in there. And he holds out his hand and he goes “Yeah, Share, it’s me, Jon. Jon Bon Jovi.” And there was not an ounce of “how could you not know who the hell I was?” Like, none of that. He was just like “What’s going on with you guys? You working on your second record? What’s happening?” Super interested, nice guy. So here I am telling a story about him, cause that’s how nice he is.

SCOTT: Sure, yeah. You remember that moment.

SHARE: Yeah, amazing! Absolutely amazing. So yeah, be nice and help people to be heard and be seen- so important.

SCOTT: Let’s say we’re just getting out of high school or we’re graduating from college. We’ve heard our entire life we need to go to school, go to college, get a good job. What would you say to us if we don’t think the corporate life or the 9:00-5:00 is for us?

SHARE: You know I hear about this a lot these days and I’d like to say, if that’s how you feel, I feel like you’re a seeker. You know, you’re seeking truth, you’re seeking inspiration and you want a purposeful meaning to your life. And I like to call myself unemployable – you may be unemployable too.

SCOTT: I am, yes.

SHARE: Yes. You know I think it’s tricky. I think the main thing is to be open to what I call a ‘bridge job’, which is another fancy way to say “This is how you’re going to eat. And then at the same time you know really find the positive aspects of that bridge job so you’re not hating it. So feel good about it. Find the things to you know, even if it’s like “Hey it’s keeping me fed. It’s keeping me alive.” But at the same time then figure out what it is that you do want to do and dive into it.

The other piece to that that I think is really, really important is that nothing has to last forever. And in fact even the things that you think are going to last forever might not last forever. I had a couple of friends I went to highschool with and just to make the story easier I’m going to make up their names. I’m going to call them Tom and Beth, though that’s not their real names. And we used to laugh together that they had chosen this really safe path. Like we actually talked about this that they had chosen the safe path and I had chosen the risky path. They married each other right out of high school, they both got college degrees. She was an architect, he was an engineer. They both landed these corporate jobs in Minneapolis.

Meanwhile, you know I go off, tour the world, have this crazy, unstable life of unpredictable adventures and you know some years are completely feast years and other years are famine years. It was very crazy. But here’s where it’s interesting. Whenever I saw them they told me how they hated their corporate lives. They hated their bosses, they hated the hours, they hated their jobs. It was just like this endless litany of complaining. But you know we always stayed in touch cause you know we went to highschool together and all that and about 10 years ago first Beth was laid off and she got really depressed and she would barely leave the house for like a year.

And then about a year and half after she was laid off, then her husband Tom was laid off and they didn’t know what to do and I’m talking to them and I’m going “Oh my God, this is an opportunity. You need to seize this and you need to start you know, these things that you love.” But they didn’t listen to me; they chose what they thought was another safe path. And they had – I kid you not- they had saved up about a million dollars and rather than invest it in something that they loved they invested almost all of that million dollars in a turnkey business that they had no idea about the business. It was like making, manufacturing metal parts for stairway rails and things like that.

SCOTT: Wow, that’s odd.

SHARE: Yeah. Just like nothing to do with anything that they loved, trust me. And then they were like “Yeah, we’re going to make money and we’re going to run this company ourselves.” Well the short story is, I saw them about a year ago and they told me how much they hated running a company, how much they hated having employees, how they hated the business they were running.

So, the point is even when you choose what seems like a really straight and practical path, it doesn’t always pay off the way that you think it’s going to. And my advice is you really only get one life and you need to choose wisely. So if you do choose something, you know maybe you have this million dollars and you think “Oh look there’s this turnkey company,” then do that with love in your heart rather than “Oh, we’re going to make a ton of money from this and it’s going to suck but we’ll make a lot of money.”

It’s like; it’s not about crossing the bridge to get to the other place. It’s enjoying the journey on the bridge while you’re on it. So you know even if you paint portraits or you’re the next Jimi Hendrix, find a way to pay the bills that you can do with some love and joy even if you have to search deep in your heart to find it. And then I think things are going to come to you, because nobody wants to talk to you if all you do is complain.

SCOTT: Right.

SHARE: So I think it’s really important to find those ways to sort of circle whatever it is you’re doing with real honest, positive aspects. And then always sit down to re-evaluate, because you know what, your dream today- I almost guarantee you this – your dream today most likely will not be your dream twenty years from now. So I think it’s important to be willing to re-evaluate and shift and change whatever you need to change and stay in touch with what’s going on.

SCOTT: So if our dream is to be an actual rock star and follow in footsteps like yours, can you help us get on tour with Ozzy?

SHARE: Sure, I’ll call Sharon and let her know.

SCOTT: You have a great post on your website about how to stop worrying and I was worried when I first saw the title, worried about reading it. And I was actually worried to ask you for an interview too, I thought you might say no. Most of us are worried about our money, our success or lack of it. We’re worried about our kids, if we have them. How do we break the worry cycle?

SHARE: Oh man, worry is so great isn’t it? I know and I joke in that blog post and thank you for reading it cause I was like, I was worried when I wrote this, I was worried it wouldn’t kick it enough. It looks like we all have these ridiculous worries. And you know, the basic thing is worry is what happens when we shift into an unforeseen-happened future, more often than not, you know we feel like we’re out of control so we’re going to worry. And yeah, it’s a big thing. I have three basic tips for worrying.

One, go ahead and worry yourself like crazy, just like set a timer for five minutes and just sit there and worry. You get bored. You’ll be like “Okay, I’m done worrying now can I stop?” “No, you have four minutes left, you must keep worrying!” It gets really boring to just sit there and worry. Another piece is to use logic over worry. So anybody who is really struggling with the worry piece, a lot of times if you write down what it is that you’re worried about and say like you know “I’m worried about this person’s going to say no to me if I ask them this question or if I ask them for an interview.” Or “If I go for that audition I’m not going to get it,” or “If I go for that job I’m worried I’m not going to get it.”

Write down all of the opposite ‘what if’s’. “Well, what if I do get it?” “Well, what if they do say yes?” and just sort of realize like how ridiculous it is that you’re focusing on the negative outcome because that’s all that worry is, it’s focusing on this negative outcome. The third tip is really just getting into the now, you know forgetting about this unforeseen, unhappened-yet future. And you know find a good-smelling fruit and eat it, like an orange or go into nature and get in and let your feet touch the grass or the ocean or play with your pet or jump up and down and act like an idiot. You know just like breathe or something. Just to get you out of that cycle.

There’s a lot of different ways to handle worry, but the thing I wrote about in the blog post is that you know when we worry about like a loved one or a friend or something, we’re actually sending them this like negative energy because we’re imagining them, like something bad happening to them. “Oh, I’ve been worrying about you all day!” It’s like “Oh, great. Thanks a lot.” Why don’t you call me up and say “Hey, I was just imagining you making a million dollars”, or something you know. Call me up and tell me that instead. So I think it’s like finding the humour in the worry process as well is important. So my three tips are really like worry yourself like crazy, use logic over it and then the third one is getting into the now. But you know what, Scott, you’re the expert here. What are your tips on worry?

SCOTT: I worry a lot; I think I get it from my parents. I would say I inherited the worry gene. They always worried about me, where I am at night, calling me when I’m in college wondering what I’m up to you know, all that stuff. But I agree with you it’s hard to break the worry cycle, I do it. I have twins so it’s much harder for me now that I have children; I have two extra little ones to worry about. And like you say it’s keeping a positive outlook on life and thinking about the good things rather than focusing on the bad things. Think of all the things that have gone right in your life, rather than all the things that have gone wrong.

SHARE: Yeah, definitely. Makes a huge difference. Huge.

SCOTT: On your website you have a worksheet called ‘Money, money, money’ and one of the things you share with us is how to create money. Now I’m assuming you’re not talking about counterfeiting it, so we would all like to have more money. How can we create it?

SHARE: This is such a fun question and this is definitely your realm, so I’m going to do my best to give you my take on it and you can give me your feedback around that, I would love that.

SCOTT: Sure.

SHARE: You know a lot of my clients have money issues and the first thing we talk about is mindset. Of course a lot of people believe that money is going to solve everything. But one of the main things that comes up is that money does not make ideas. Ideas make money.

SCOTT: Right.

SHARE: And I love that; I love that concept and I’ve said that to a few clients and they go “Oh, my gosh!” So the biggest and best way to create money is to have an idea that solves a problem.

SCOTT: Right.

SHARE: And that’s it in a nutshell. The other piece of it, though, you know the mindset stuff and things like that I think are deeper, obviously. But in terms of actually finding a way to make money I think it’s about how can you be of value and then your value will be rewarded financially. The more value you offer, the more problems you can solve, the more money you’re probably going to make – not always, but most of the time. What’s your take on that?

SCOTT: I have two factors that I believe help people create more money. And for people who have not achieved financial freedom they kind of frown at you and they don’t believe you when you tell them about these things. It’s hard to buy into if you haven’t achieved it yet. Number one is to do what you love and the money will follow. That’s been true in my life. I never started a business to seek out, to make a bunch of money with it. I always worked on projects that I enjoyed and ended up profiting from those. And people who I talked to in my similar industry or other industries they’re all really the same thing. If you focus on your clients and focus on things you do that you love the money will come later on. If you try to focus on just the money, as you said with your previous stories, you’re just going to end up doing something that you hate.

SHARE: Right, right.

SCOTT: The second thing I’ve found to be true is to give. Giving to charities. Giving your time to volunteer in different places. In my own personal life, the more I have given, the more I have received- tenfold, in fact.

SHARE: Yeah, yeah.

SCOTT: And it’s not just monetarily giving. It’s going out and doing good work with other people, sharing your time, sitting down and talking with people, helping them out with their problems. And that just, if you do it with an open heart without expecting anything in return, I don’t know how it works but it just ends up coming back to you tenfold.

SHARE: Yeah, that’s actually a huge piece of it as well. I’m a big believer in you know if you want abundance, then be abundant. You know, you need to be what it is you want to receive; you need to give it to other people and make them feel that. And I think that’s a huge piece as well. I’m so glad you brought that up. Awesome!

SCOTT: Share, thank you so much for this conversation. It’s been enlightening and inspirational hearing your story. Where can people find out more about you and get connected with you?

SHARE: Oh, terrific. I would love for people to find me at my website, shareross.com (spells out shareross.com). You get a lovely ‘design your life’ freebie when you sign up on my mailing list. You can also find me on Twitter, just @shareross. You can find me, I also have a Facebook group for rock star entrepreneurs which is, well a bit more of a longer… I can give you the short URL. It’s (spells bit.ly) bit.ly/rsem which stand for Rock Star Entrepreneurs Mastermind.

SCOTT: Awesome, I’m going to include all those links in the show notes.

SHARE: Cool!

SCOTT: Awesome, Share. Thank you so much. I appreciate it and continued success to you.

SHARE: Thank you, Scott! It’s been a pleasure chatting with you and I hope that your listeners enjoy this and that your podcast is fantastic so thanks for having me.

SCOTT: Alright, Nation, hope you enjoyed that interview. Wasn’t Share awesome? I had such a blast chatting with her. You can tell she is super, super cool. Please do check out her website: shareross.com. Hey, that’s it for this episode. I’m your host, Scott Alan Turner, rock star Katie is my producer. All the links mentioned in this show, including the link to Share’s website will be available on the show notes on scottalanturner.com. Today’s episode was powered by Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream. We won’t quit until we get a flavour named after the show; or some coupons. Thanks for listening.

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